PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
