omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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