You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
