There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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