dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Who wears a wallet chain?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
