nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
