Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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