i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
try to milk me bitch
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
