i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
