You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
