At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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