I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
