I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
