Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
