Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
