in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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