No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
