Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
