soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
