New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
