You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
