i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
