Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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