Swine flu. Run for my life!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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