she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
