Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
