I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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