i don't like sucking hair
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
