I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
