Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
