thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
