so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
