If that was your dad, he is hot
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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