i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
