I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
