god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
FUCK WHALES
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
