I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
