two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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