arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
