I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
