I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
