y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
