So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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