No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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