I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
