the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
