I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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