You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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