he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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