I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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