is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
