You really coming over, don't trick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
