I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
