i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
