Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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